Loss is a part of life. A lesson most of us are taught from a youngish age, but one we don’t really learn until it happens. My mother passed away 30 years ago and it could have been 30 minutes ago. One of my closest friends, a friend of some nearly 30 years
, was given an ultimatum about our friendship and he chose other than the friendship. My soul sister beloved friend passed away just over two years ago. And now another most cherished friend has passed just a few days ago.
I’m an introvert. A bona fide INFJ. As such, I choose for quality, not quantity when it comes to people. Each loss is a chunk falling off of me that leaves a space that can’t be filled. As I write this, I wonder if this is how I will journey to my end, more and more pieces falling away until there’s just a skeleton and a heartbeat.
Loss is an abyss. There’s no telling how long that sense of freefall will last (I think it lasts forever) or for how long we will continue to compose texts or intend to call, share, tell before gasping with renewed understanding. The permanence is the thing that most takes my breath away. You cannot understand “gone for good” until you live it, one day at a time. When people ask if it gets easier, I always say no. The depth of pain remains the same, I just get stronger in carrying it.
That said, I’m not a good griever. Or at least not a cinematic one. Tears come in bursts, there’s some sleeping, and staring out windows for what turns out to be long periods of time. But the raging, wracking grief processing that’s indistinguishable from birth, I don’t do that. Maybe once, when my mom died, for about an hour.
No, I get knocked out of my shoes and keep walking. Not saying it’s healthy. Just saying it’s what I do. And most often, I walk into the kitchen.
Numb, pulling out butter and eggs, collecting measuring spoons and cups, gathering bowls. I most often make Finnish Pulla, a sweet coffee bread my mom made. I know it by heart and it offers all the good soothing yeasty, kneading qualities. It tastes like home when “home” feels unmoored.
Next I will make something that reminds me of the person I’ve lost: Something I know they enjoyed or something I’ve made for them that they loved. Preparing food for someone who is gone is the best way I’ve found to bring them back. I can talk to them. Remember them. Love them. Eat with them again.
It helps.
Maria’s Favorite Fresh Strawberry Pie
This pie is bright, beautiful and super happy, just like my friend, who loved it and 
marveled how something so easy could be so, so good. Farm fresh strawberry season is fleeting, like good memories, and fresh berries are what you want here, so hit the farmer’s market (as Maria did weekly) to get the freshest you can find.
PREPARATION
Two quarts farm fresh strawberries, picked over with the prettiest berries set aside (about 12-14 berries).
9-inch pie pan
Crust:
- 10 oz finely crushed Walkers or Lorna Doone shortbread cookies
- 6 Tbs melted butter
- 1Tbs sugar
Combine crushed cookies, butter and sugar in a bowl and toss with a fork or your hands until well combined. Press mixture evenly into bottom and sides of pie pan. Freeze crust for at least 30 minutes.
Filling:
- ½ – ¾ c sugar (to taste depending on berry sweetness)
- 3 Tbs cornstarch
- 3 c diced strawberries
- 1 Tbs fresh lemon juice
In a small bowl, whisk together the sugar and cornstarch. Set aside. In a medium bowl, mash strawberries with a potato masher until goopy. Whisk in the sugar/cornstarch and lemon juice. Transfer to a medium saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring often. Let cook 2-3 minutes until thickened and jammy. Give it a couple of stirs, remove from heat, and pour into bowl to cool to room temperature.
Pour the cooled filling into the prepared pie shell and chill for at least 2 hours to fully set.
Serving:
- ¼ c strawberry preserves, melted and strained
- 12-14 reserved strawberries, cored and sliced in half
- Freshly whipped cream
Arrange berries, cut side down, over the pie filling, pressing down lightly so the edges submerge a bit. With a pastry brush, lightly dab the berries with the melted preserves to glaze.
Serve immediately with fresh whipped cream on the side. Should you have any leftovers, the pie keeps 1-2 days, covered with plastic wrap and refrigerated. But, between dessert and breakfast servings, you’ll finish it within 24 hours.
NOTE: This recipe works equally well with fresh peaches. With peaches, I use turbinado sugar and a pinch of cinnamon plus a graham cracker crust.
all begin with the length of the line and include a remark on the size of their gougeres (softball). Even 
baking sheets. You should get about 10 on each sheet. Use a small spoon to drop any remaining meringue on the tops of the dollops on the sheet.
Here’s a thought. Make holiday cookies in September and take all photos. Then simply post, post, post in December.
Line a large rimmed baking sheet with parchment and set aside.
e a spatula or bench scraper to clean up any bits of dough clinging to the parchment around the log. (See pic at right: Pretty loaf on marble – no way to move that sticky baby to the pan. Use the parchment.)
Transfer slices to cookie sheet, standing them ½ inch apart. Bake 15-20 minutes, until barely beginning to brown. Cool on rack. Once completely cooled, can be stored airtight for about two weeks.
amusing, literary anecdotes. The photos are dark and mysterious, the preparation guidelines have an insider’s vagueness, the cover is a glorious matte paper that evokes the 1940s.
Cream butter and maple sugar in a medium bowl until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing thoroughly after each addition.
stirring, cook until golden brown. (I get nervous around boiling sugar and color instructions. I clipped on a candy thermometer and let it go to 300F.)
before. Last year was favorites, this year it’s newbies. (And though I do indeed own 
Melt the chocolate in a heatproof glass measure in a microwave on the low setting, in 10 second bursts, until nearly melted. Stir until completely melted and set aside.
Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top. David recommends using damp hands to press the mixture flat – works well.
Cool on a rack for 15 minutes, then run a warm knife around the edge to loosen it from the pan. Remove the springform carefully, then cool completely.
doesn’t know when to quit, am I right?
cider to about ¼ c of syrup. Let me tell you, that cider syrup is sensational! I used it to glaze the top of the tart. I kept coming back to it in my mind, so when I decided to make a pie, I started there. Added a few spices and reduced it down. Still. so. good. I used it as the sweetener for apples.
Use your favorite crust recipe for a double crust pie. I always go all butter, but I know some of ya’ll like your Crisco. If it tastes good to you, it’ll taste good in this pie.
In the 
one-bowl recipe on the back of the 
chewy one like the kind they sell at 
Combine sugars in a medium mixing bowl. Add the chocolate-butter mixture and whisk to combine. Add the Egg Beaters, in two additions, whisking after each. Whisk in the vanilla. Add the flour and salt, whisking until combined.
discoveries you make almost daily, of other bloggers, artisanal makers, baby brands, established brands you’ve never heard of. And of course the endless falling in love, over and over, with recipes, tastes, and photos. Food porn is real as you. well. know.
Slice (aka Millionaire Shortbread) and 
ang forward,” losing an hour of sleep. I also always seem to crave citrus and berries on spring forward Sunday, so the recipe was perfect. The extra special bonus was that I had an excuse to buy 
Preheat oven to 350. Arrange two 12-hole silicone financier pans on baking sheets and set aside.
harden a bit around them.
Cool in the molds for 30 minutes before removing to a rack and cooling completely.
I’m a person who, let’s say, has more rainy days than most people. I’ve managed my depression for decades with medication, but I still occasionally have moments when the clouds gather. Then, as with any other occasion really, I head to the kitchen. Because what I want is to feed myself.
cornmeal cake recipe and “rustic” is the perfect word for it. It’s homey, flavorful but not sweet, and utterly delicious. So naturally I wanted to possess an entire book of such recipes!
Note: At this point, my batter looked more like cookie dough. I couldn’t imagine folding beaten egg whites into it. So I added enough whole milk to make a smooth cake batter. If you find yourself in a similar situation, gradually add the milk, up to a 1/4 cup, until your batter looks right.
Pour the mixture into the prepared cake pan, smoothing the top with an offset spatula.
Cool in pan on rack for 15 minutes. Unmold and cool on rack completely. Dust with powdered sugar to taste.
offering, of all things, a cookie.
wl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least one hour. (according to Jocelyn, two hours is better!)
Bake 14-16 minutes until brown. Remove from oven, sprinkle with sea salt and let cool on sheets 10 minutes before moving to a rack to cool completely. I rushed the cooling step and created little caramel aliens on the bottom of my rack.
I Brake for Bakeries 